i can't decide

making decision..its totally my big weaknesses...:(
i can't even make a very simple decision.
not for others not even for myself..!!silly me..!!

my bestie said:- dun think too much for something.juz do it..

hmm..sorry lalink i troubled u for the whole day.i keep adding others problem..haish..y i'm so useless??
when they need help,i never help them.not even make them smile back..at least a bit..

too much things in my head now..my brain totally exhausted now.can't think anything more..sorry beb..sorry lalink.sorry yunk..sorry everyone...:((

WGACA..remember that..!!

ok..
for the rest of my life,i never say the love words to someone i didn't love or mean it for REAL..
i only said them for REAL...
never ever to play with someone feelings coz i dun even have the heart to do that...

then,if i already love u for real n u are actually juz playing with my feeling,then here it comes the time for me to hate u..
if i love people for real,then i'll hate U for REAL too..!!
n thx for giving me such a concrete reason for me too hate u..thanks..!!
huh..

WGACA..!!i really wanna shout this at u coz its the karma of life..got it??
right now i really hate u coz i dun want to hate myself anymore..

p/s:-i tried so hard to forgive u coz u really break my heart again.plz lah..juz admit that she's ur gf ever coz u already bring her to meet ur family..huh..can't u be loyal hah???

alhamdulillah

alhamdulillah..thats all i can say right now..
i already accepted to continue my study in foodtech..
i'm so happy for a second
but then i am so sad for all my beloved frens..
most of them dun get the offer..
i really dun know what else to say to them.i know they are too disappointed for this moment but i can't do anything for them make me feel more useless.
ya Allah..plz dun test them like this..i need them to further my study.
i need them so much coz without them,i dun know how to survive there alone..gosshhh
ALONE??

i keep praying they will get the offer later.maybe after the system updating again after this..
its really weird for them not getting the offer as some of them got higher result from me in diploma.so what the exact thing make them rejected by Uitm??
ya Allah..i really hope they will get the offer too..
right now i can't feel happy at all coz i need my frens...
:(

p/s:-ohh..i have to on my hp coz i need to calm down my frens..huhu..i dun want to be selfish as so far that i know i'm on the very few list who got the offer..from 50++ students right now i only know about less than 10 get the offer..its totally insane..!!

saying goodbye

woot woot..hahaa
i'm getting crazy..peace..:D
well,to all my fren that read this blog n cntc me on fb,sorry coz i deactivate my account for a while till unknown time..
i'll only keep online with my invisible ym,myspace,frenster n my beloved blog only..peace..:D

its really hard decisions coz i love fb so much..waa..T_T
but then this is the best solution for the time being as i dun want to know anything bout him anymore..
well,it hurt me a lots when looking at his profile or reading his comment with others while he's ignoring n avoiding me..lol..

what ever it is,i'm going to be fine..yeah..!!
i will by hook or by crook..hahaa..sorry..getting out of my mind again..:p

ok2..now its time for me to be far away from my beloved fren for a while..dun worry my kembar 4,i'll be back soon..maybe too soon..hehe coz i'll miss each of u so much..!!
so right now its time for me to make myself busy with everything here..hohoo..thx a lots to bleach coz it keep my mind busy watching them till i forgot lots of things..:P

to beb,thx a lots for everything but maybe our ways of handling problems are different which make me a bit difficult to do things as u want.its not that i dun want to tell u everything about my feeling but i have trouble u alots already with everything.hehe..thx for those time n advices..:)

p/s:-getting nervous waiting for the continuation result..adoih..make me crazy..huhu...i pray each of us will get place to continue our study together..aminn..:)

stop.plz

ya Allah...what wrong with him nowadays??
i try to be +ve that u dun have crdt to reply my msgs.ok fine
i try to be +ve when u on9 n suddenly offline to me...ok..
its fifa world cup n u once told me u want to watch them..still be ok..
i thought u are so busy with the work till u dun hve time to talk to me..i still can accept it.
then..
i heard about ur schoolmates's accident which one of them passed away.
so i thought u r so sad u dun wan hve any mood to talk with anybody..
so i tried to understand n gve u some space...
but
when i read ur comments on those photos with others,u cn laugh n joking with others happily..
like nothing wrong with u..

so tell me.should i still think positive bout you??
i dun know what else to do or say right now.
i can't even tell anybody how i feel coz u prohibited me to tell anyone about us..
y??coz i'm juz ur 5th 'wives',itsn't it??
or maybe i have been thrown away from the list...*sigh*
it hard to pretend i'm fine n still happy with all these things..it really hard u know????

i really dun know how to get rid of these feelings..
:((
i hate myself for being like this..
but i dun know what to do..
hmmmm

*beb,i totally agree with u juz now but i really dun know what to do to forget him..so sorry beb for keep disappointing u...haishh....*

p/s:-all these things make me crazy~~looks like my heart getting weaker not stronger...silly me..!!

rainbow

rainbow is so beautiful..weee...
the 7layer colour really make me feel this world is so beautiful..
alhamdulillah with this Allah's creation i can remember Him back..
*already gone too far from the right path..huhu..*

well,this pic taken by me at the 10th floor of this building with my beloved 5320 so its totally can't show the real beauty i saw yesterday's evening..:)

hoho...suddenly i remember i have few crazy pic which i took before but i can't put in fb.so can i put them here??hehe..
i'm out of my mind again..:D



writing on my body again..:p

this one actually i can't post them..huhu..
know y?
see the njAm?
who know what is mean??
ok..nja=my full name..
but njAm=........
my name+ his name..huhu..
i almost change my name in fb into this actually but then i realize i can't do that coz he belongs to someone else...*sigh*

ok.enough bout him.everyday i can't stop thinking bout him but does he remember me at least for a minute in a day?i don't think so coz he dun even call me n dun reply to my msgs..hmm
i tried to be cruel to him but then it hurt me by doing so as i miss him so much..
ok fine..juz shoot me plz..!!

p/s:-my mood swing too fast now..sorry everyone...

L.O.V.E??

LOVE..hmm..this four letters really has messed me up so much..haish..

now the issue is LOYAL..
does u know what this 5 letters means??
does u know how to value them??
i bet u don't.
if u do u should have value her from the beginning..
u won't play around with my feeling like this..
yes recently u don't even call me dear or any other names like before.
but from the first place y did u make me believe that u love me??
yaa.then here it comes my stupidity by trusting u easily.
u know y i choose to believe u at the beginning?
coz i dun want to let u down.i dun know how to say no as i'm so afraid it will make u sad..
n now looks like it all my fault for loving u..
huh..stop asking me who's the guy coz u sud know its U...!!no one else for this moment.but still u act like u dun even make any mistakes at all...

urff..now i would like to tell u,it totally not worth it for me to stay loyal for u.
i know it my fault for still loving u after the truth reveal but this is me coz i only say it when i meant it for real.not like u..!!
i really wish u read this AM.coz i'm sick being a fool for u..do everything u ask me to do just to make sure u r fine n happy even i cried like hell here..but in the end it turns out to be my fault for those things i done for u..
thx 4 blaming me...thx a lots for using 'aku' in those msgs coz u r the one who change them into am,jan,sy n awk so dun blame me if i hate u change in into 'aku ko' in suddenly as i already want to change them before but u r the one who insist to use name...

urff...enough la for all u're doing..i had them enough..

p/s:-sorry coz all my entry totally about how i feel to his actions coz i dun know where else to let it go..:|

sorry.coz i am a-----

can i type in malay??
coz my head totally blocked already..huhu...*actually dun know this word that i want to say in english..muahahaha..*
my english is bad..nope
horrible
nope..
plus terrible..
kuang3...

ok2..yesterday 09/06/2010..
i went out..where??
ice skating..*my first time..huk2..*
well..i'm bad at balancing my body..totally..people with me yesterday know how bad i am..:p
so sorry~~~
n thousand n million thanks for helping me all the ways yesterday...totally thanks for everything..
ok2..
what i'm trying to say in the title is
sorry coz i am a......
'manje girl'..!!
hua3..

it really hard to change to be more matured..haish..i think that because i dun hve a fun childhood like others before.so till now i'm still a 'manje girl'...especially with people close to me..T_T

to beb n my bestie...so sorry for everything i have done..adoih..i'm totally feel really uselesss now..sorry beb..but seriously,i rather lose the one that i love rather than lose anyone of u in my life...i know i dun know how to show my appreciation towards both of u..in fact i never do..but i really hope both of u know it...will ya??plz do that...

hmmm..ok2..
enough of all the tears for tonight..haha.i'm fine with u all around me..thx to both my besties...:D
*my besties now left two only..huhu..i already lose 2..dun wanna lose another two..it really hard to go through the day without u all*

p/s:-student portal sewel..!!tensed3..>_<

eating n eating

ok..before this i really wanna eat chocolates a lots like still in high school..
but nowadays i rarely get chance to eat them.last time i eat choc was on 25th april..haha..
then today i eat them again while on9 n watching movie on tv..
ok great.i always love chocs so much..
but now see the clock?its already 1.55AM..
n i just eat half of the medium bar of choc...owh..great..!!
i dun even realize that i eat them so quick..
but then i realize 1 thing.back in form 2,i actually have finish half bar of LARGE choc in less than one hour..!!!
silly me..
i always dun realize the amount of choc i already ate..>_<

ok2..enough of choc for today..haishh..need to change my habit.how eh??
i already addicted to chocs and cheese n also so any other unhealthy food..!!
waaa..y did i fall in love with them??
oh,i forgot i can easily fall in love with something so fast and also fall in love with a person...*sigh*

well,dun want to say anything else about food coz i already wish lots of foods now..*stop it jannah*
even i already gained lots of weigh already but still i can't stop eating whenever my eyes opened..dush3..

p/s:-my bestie,when will we meet??i really wanna eat burger king..huhu..*even i know nothing about the menu there..hahaha..u have to choose for me again..:p* see??i still wanna eat lots of things..hmmm3...dun know what else to do~~

Its getting harder and harder to breathe

How dare you say that my behavior is unacceptable

So condescending unnecessarily critical

I have the tendency of getting very physical

So watch your step cause if I do you'll need a miracle

You drain me dry and make me wonder why I'm even here

This Double Vision I was seeing is finally clear

You want to stay but you know very well I want you gone

Not fit to fuckin' tread the ground that I'm walking on

When it gets cold outside and you got nobody to love

You'll understand what I mean when I say

There's no way we're gonna give up

And like a little girl cries in the face of a monster that lives in her dreams

Is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe

Is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe

What you are doing is screwing things up inside my head

You should know better you never listened to a word I said

Clutching your pillow and writhing in a naked sweat

Hoping somebody someday will do you like I did

When it gets cold outside and you got nobody to love

You'll understand what I mean when I say

There's no way we're gonna give up

And like a little girl cries in the face of a monster that lives in her dreams

Is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe

Is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe

Does it kill

Does it burn

Is it painful to learn

That it's me that has all the control

Does it thrill

Does it sting

When you feel what I bring

And you wish that you had me to hold

When it gets cold outside and you got nobody to love

You'll understand what I mean when I say

There's no way we're gonna give up

And like a little girl cries in the face of a monster that lives in her dreams

Is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe

Is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe

is there anyone out there cuz its gettin harder and harder to breathe