i wish i can...

i wish i can...
stop this feeling..!!
i wish i can say it loud...!!
but i can't...
i juz can't..

did u know how the feeling loosing ur only bestie??
i keep on fighting in my mind.
keep trying to stop thinking.
but i juz can't...!!
its keep killing me...
it keep telling me to call u.
to text u.
n even read everything i can..
damn much i hate myself....!!

ya Allah...what else should i do??
i dun know to whom should i go now.
to whom should i tell this...
i swear its killing me..
especially when i did read few sentences juz now..

i dun know how to stop this pain.
i dun know how to let u go either...:((

flue+midterm

eh2..eja flue de 'e' ke x eh?ntah..xpeduli..haha..

dgn batuk,hdg t'sumbat + ngan p pain plak rini.mmg tensi jdnye..

lepak2 ngan diorg pn xlrt nk jln2 sgt.asyk cr kerusi nk duk..haish..mcm2 pule..

bile mau sht btul2 pn xtau.dh mls nk mkn ubat..:p boleh?hehe..

esok bermulalh cuti mid term.tp dh rmi yg blik rini.even my roomie dh blik mlm td.hbt kn?mntg2 ko xde class rini kn..seronok btul blik awl2.sye??

rini de 1 class je.tp since dh cari tiket 'awal' sesgt so dpt la tiket ptg esok jek..T_T

xpela.jnj dpt blik jmpe mak n family.tu lg pntg..:) *pdhal nk sdpkn hati je..ffftttt*

owh2.entry yg lpas.tjuk oh wifi tp hampeh lpe nk state apesal ltk tajuk tuh..

kn dh kate 'currently dlm lab physic'..so waktu tu curi2 on9 je..sbb tu entry sgt pndk n xhbs..haha.tp still post coz skrg ssh nk dpt on9 kt sni..

tp waktu ni ok je line..sebab??

ramai dh pulang.so line wifi dh xbz sgt..i like..:D

i mean xde la ok gilerrr kn.tp ok la still dpt on9.nk bndg hr2 bese.nk dpt connected pn dh ckup baek.ade paham?

mlm ni duk copy cite sane sni.byk la sne sni pdhal dr as jek..:p pastuh2..xtau bile dpt tgk.reason?cte2 yg sedia ade pn xtgk2 lg tau...tsk3..xde mse nk ngadap lorh..

haish..pas cuti mid term ni laagggiiiii la busy tahap cipan..weh..4 lab kot sem ni.mau nye xpengsan kami.

oh..4 lab=4hari kne pki kasut tutup.which mmg wat kaki melecet truk gle.adehh la..jln pn dh xbrp nk btul..dh tu kasut pn dh ala2 nk rosak.haishh..duit pule tdk mengizinkn utk beli yg baru..so cmne?b'thn sjelah..:|

blik2 je dr cuti ni nnt keje b'timbun meh..de 2 test lg hr isnin.jadi amek kptsn blik hari sabtu..cehh..cm xbese jek.kalo cuti pnjg sket msti blik lmbt ke rmh tp dtg shah alam awl dr org laen..tsk3..4 years dh cmni.adapt dh pn..:p

recently xbyk tgkp gmbr time kuar.xbanyak ke jannah ooii??hp memory dh nk full xnk ngaku plak..:p

xbyk dlm hp sye.sume kt hp kwn2 or kt kamera mereka2.tp sy jrg de dlm pic as usual sbb malasss tgk mke sndr yg x fotogenik cm org laen..what daa hhhh la plak kn..haha..merepek lg..

ye3..jannah ni mmg suke merepek2..

oh3..bru ingt.last weekend de modul.eh,sye xcte lg kn?ke dh?pelupe gle.tp nk cte gak..modul as usual kami sgt mls nk pegi coz kne bgn pgi di hari weekend..ffttt...tp kami baek.pegi jgk..haha..

then duk dlm class mengikut name..bile faci masuk,its a young guy u know.everyone was like,wahh..bole tahan.tapi stil not in the mood la kn nk lyn aktvt2 merepek meraban tu sume nnt.pastu die knlkn dri..he's one of the TPM in our faculty..TPM stand for Tenaga Pengajar Muda.see..kn dh ckp he's young..25 only..n juz got married 3months ago..haha..:p

ok.the contents of the modul as usual totally bored.BUT luckily our faci make it up by doing fun activities with us.wehh..the faci role here totally important ok.i already went for 7 moduls since sem 1 dip.n ya all were totally bored.except for the talk about Finishing School which did gave useful info for us..

1st activity,ice breaking.but we were told to arranged ourselves according to the age.exactly into the months..so,as expected i'm the youngest one..:p n i got new nick name 'ucu'..

then few presentations,debating,acting@commercial break..hoho. .know what even i can't believe myself as i did speak few times spontaneously.i did stood up to tell few of my experiences n the acting part twice totally without script.i juz spill it out..haha..even though its not well enough but for me its worth trying..hehe..i'm trying to build up my confidence.*really jannah??i think maybe i did that because the people i really close most of the time here wasn't there in the class.u know,when we assume everyone is stranger so everything juz done there..*

at the end of the day,i was called up to the front n tell everyone what i did learned that day.so once again i made it by telling the truth bout myself for all these years.ya3..its totally a big deal for me to speak in front of 30 other peoples ok?

then on sunday we had our talk session..n uhh..once again i had been one of the 19 persons to speak at the front..lol..its juz few line to inroduce myself.in front of 100++ peoples..greats..

ok dh2..skrg dh kul brp dh..sok nk kms2 brg lak sebab esok balikkk..!!yeahh...!!i like...:D

tapi kne tgl sorg2 dlu la pgi sok..mcm xbese pule..hehe..

ok lah..gudnite then..XOXO..

oh wifi..!!

currently kt lab physics..gigih bwk lappy pegi class..dgn demam,batuk,selsema n skt tekak..

adeh..sume org tgh pns gle.sye sorg jek sejuk dr td...adoih...

pdhal dh pki jaket ngan lab coat..mmg gle..

ok..pasni de clas analytical.then test biochem pule..yg mne lgsg xstdy lg coz sgt xlrt semlm..

got to go....

ntah ble dpt on9 lg..huk3..

careless girl

one more thing i have to admit about myself is....

I'M A CARELESS GIRL....!!

haishh..today i was so sleepy in the lecture hall so then i juz text my fren coz he text me first ok..

then the class end.so i juz packed my things which today all of us bring laptop to lab so i was like really not comfortable with all these stuff.so i dun check my hp as usual as i thought its already in my bag.

but then in the bus on the way back to hostel i can't find my hp..

oh goshh...where it is.i search my bag pack again n again.my jean's pocket also..its no where..

i'm too shocked but still keep searching for it..

but its totally not with me..:((

then after got off from the bus i told them about my hp.so i sat down for a while n keep searching it again..

like i said its not with me..

so we call my fren which still at the faculty.then one of my fren got call from my hp number..!!

luckily this one girl found it n ask me to pick it up.but since i'm already at college so after discuss a bit with her,luckily again she's in the same college with me.juz at another level..pheww..so i'm gonna have it back tonight lorh..huk3..

i really dun believe myself for being that careless today....huu.....

to everyone,thousand thanks for everything.may Allah rewards all of you in the future..aminn...:)

I can’t denied it

Its been a toughful day for starting of the week this semester..every week gonna give lots of challenges for mentally n physically..pheww..!!

But Allah is always the best.as for today as i'm getting lack of focus in class due to non-stop classes,i got a text..well,it suddenly make me so happy.insane right?its juz a text with few words but it already make me happy n make me full of spirit to study again..did u see ur influence there dear?

I know its been hard for me to accept the fact but after all,i can't denied it.today i really can't get my mind out of u..n the fact we are now hurt me alots.like i said.emo girl back..pppfffttt...

For these past 2 weeks i keep telling myself i'm fine.i'm gonna be ok.like u said..this time&distance will cure me.

But today i guess its not gonna happen as for the whole day my heart keep telling me,i'm missing u so much n the fact i'm so in love with u..*sigh*

I shouldn't say this.but thats the truth..i'm so sorry for that..i can't help myself at all..trying to stop loving u its juz gonna stop me from breathing..

Fine.its too mushy again..haishh...its me..always hurting the one that i love n in the end,i'm regretting it all over again...i wish i could turn back time.but nahh...it juz a silly wish again n again..whatever it is,the fact juz gonna hold.

Reminder for myself:- stop it jannah.u're hurting urself all over again but i guess it what i'm gonna have to go through to pay for it..

trouble always with me..T_T

sob3..i'm having two bad days in a row..

semlm dh la t'gesa-gesa beli external tuh.dgn touch n go wat hal sume.

then td pegi mid nk msuk mph alarm bunyi..

i was what the heck la kn?sye xambk pape pn.then die scan beg sume.suh test.stil bunyi smpi 3 kali kot akk tuh suh test.pastu cashier senior tu mntk sye kuarkn sme brg...T_T

sgt malu ok di situ..sy tau yg wat alarm tu bnyi external tuh.org kdi jual semlm xmatikn bar code.tsk3..dh la kne kuarkn sume brg.org sume dh pndg2..pastuuu....

rupe2nye mesin yg cashier awl2 td gne tuk scan tu die XON..!!

sumpah malu gle kt situ.dh la sorg2 kn..*sigh*



then msuk dlm tu ingt nk lepak2 je.cr kotak nk pos external tuh nnt.tapiii...jmpe bubble wrap yg mhl pule..haishh..no choice.kalo xbeli nnt xtau nk cr kt ktne plak..

dh psg2 dlm mph tu then k.ifa smpi.so g mkn then trus msuk tgk movie..



pas tgk movie nk msuk jusco coz xjmpe kotak kt mph td..

so lg sekali as expected alarm tu bnyi..*sigh*

so kne la explain kt guard tu sume..die belek2 kotak external tu.

then ckp, "xpela.msuk la.nnt keluar ikut pintu ni jgk ye"

fuuhhh..thx la byk2 coz bg gak sy msuk..



ntah la knpe nsb sye sgt xbaek 2hari ni..siyes wat sye tensen sgt2..

org2 kt keliling sume ckp lex la..bkn pe pn..ok fine.korg xphm pe jd kt sye.even kalo cte pn korg xkne sndri plus situasi tu msti laen n pressure yg dh sedia ade menmbhkn susah hati sye..*sigh*



hmm..cuti mid term nk blik phg tp duit skrg dh sket..plus akk2 n abg xblik so kne cr tiket sume sndri..ssh btul la ble dh t'jnj ngan mak nk blik nih..byk btul problem.sdh sgt coz xtau nk ckp ngan sape dh.dpn sume org kne wat2 happy or at least cool je.pd hal dlm hati Allah je yg tau skrg ni..:((



so after this mmg xleh kuar dh or beli pape.juz spend tuk mkn n hadiah2 besday mrka sje.

no more kuar jln2.no more tman2 org pegi kuar..kne belajar b'jimat cermat suda.ssh btul..
tp xpe kwn2 di sekeliling mostly tgh b
jmt crmt juge..sbb??
sbb diorg sume dh plan hbs je degree trus kahwin..oh god..sgt2 wat sye sdh lg sbb....*sigh*
no need to say it again here..

p/s: mood emo kembali coz tetbe rse sgt sebak n sedih bile tgk gmbr2 kamu...:(
knpe perlu rse kesktn ni lg.n the worst part ever,its hurt most compared to the others before..
can i cry now?

what a day..

well2..today i went to the low yat.n for the first time alone..tsk2..

i was like a weird girl who brought bag pack then entering the building alone n then i'm lost.

where should i go first??

err...lets go to the escalator.

level 1.then level 2..

keep texting people but dun know to whom should i sent.so i got no choice.gonna text him..haishh..i thought i can be a bit independent but i couldn't..

so then when the answers make me a bit confused,i juz make the call..

but...

in the middle of crowd,once again i'm lost.which way to go???

tsk3...

ok.fine.relax.like he said juz go to any stores n ask the price

ok..as i'm not the talkactive one especially to strangers,so i juz went to few stores n look on my own.

if only i couldn't find the price label or the list,then i'll asked the person in charge..T_T

what a pathetic me..

while in my heart,i keep praying i won't find anyone that recognize me.huhu..i'll be totally embarrased there coz anyone would know at first look that i'm a bit lost there..T_T

then i after checking the price at few stores,i can't stand to be there anymore.so i juz went to the lowest price i found juz now.grab it n went to timesquare..pheww...

i'm glad i already out of there.but then,its totally a weird girl alone walking there too...tsk2..

what a day..i hate the feeling.but i dun care.

so i took my bruch at KFC.totally dun care for any glances i got there.sitting alone in the crowd..whatever..

then head back to home.ya3..the touch n go do that again.it stuck.i can't go through..haissh..people around me already staring..ok fine.no i'm not fine...!this is the 2nd time within 2hours lol..

i dun know y it happen to me again..T_T

what a day..but at least i got the external n already at home now..

n uhh..the shirt i bought juz now.dun know u gonna like or not.sorry..i really dun know ur size..haisshhh..

p/s: aaaa..suddenly i saw merlin's series 3 gonna be on played tomorrow's night..adehh..already back to hostel lo..:|

splitting again

urrf..i never know or can understand why this semester totally give us all these changelling n crazy things.ever..
why only our group have to make ways for the others n again.have been forced to split rather than others do them?
since last sem its always us to sacrifice for them.but then they only complaining their schedule is pack for each day.
hello its your choice to take IFL.not our fault at all..ssshhhhhhhhhh.
whatever lah..

i better keep my minds off it.
right now i juz keep watching series to keep my mind busy on my freetime..
well its help a bit.since i can't put any pressure on myself about everything happened since last week.
n ya.i'm still acting that i'm totally fine coz i dun want everyone ask me about that.
in fact maybe i'm still acting as i still can't accept the fact.
silly huh?previous entries i said i'm learning to accept the fact.but maybe i'm not done learning yet..

they say its a broken heart.but i hurt in my whole body~~

BW,GG season 4

juz keep going on everything now.

till then,keep praying the miracle to come out...very soon,..

admitting the fact

supposedly i wrote this post last night.n ya i did actually.but the wifi line so kindly to me so it save nothing at all of my post last night.not even a letter..

so right now i'm juz admitting the fact that i'm not fine.at all.

yesterday we went to JJ bkt raja.which 2nd last place i went with him last sem.

n i did sit on the same chair infront of mph there n i was hoping that the person beside me is you.not any other person.

then it hurt me so much coz i actually still remember that night.vividly.

then going down the escalator.i wish there'll someone who will hold my hand n i dun want any other than you.juz like that night.

my heart totally went into pieces.i wish things not like this..oh god...

now the worse part ever,i dun have anyone to turn to.

coz i lose everyone.including my bestie ever.

so i dun know whether i can survive this phase alone or not.

last night i can't act like i'm fine to the others anymore.

n now if anyone ask me again,'how r u?'

i'll definitely will say no.i'm not.

sorry.i'm not that strong to keep smiling to the others while my heart totally cried alone in there.

another fact that i'm so scared to admit before this is i'm not having faith in myself.not in you lalink..totally not in you.coz through all these 4years being ur besfren,i'm having full faith in you.
so the person that i dun have faith at all is myself..i'm so sorry for everything..
oh god...i'm so lost..

being at the bottom of this downfall totally make me wanna go deeper..
n oh.sorry.i dun know whether i stil can use lalink to call u or not..so sorry dear...
its juz everything happened that night was my fault n i'll never forgive myself for that..

i'm hoping there's a miracle happen.so that it'll bring me out of this downfall.forever..
but will there any miracle happen?i dun have faith in myself.at all..

learning

at the moment,i'm hardly learning the fact that i already loose my bf which actually mean i loose my bestie too...
*sigh*
what a 'great' weeks...

now,lets see its either this jannah gonna breathe smoothly till next week or juz gonna down deeper in this downfall..
well,while in downfall huge test also come by at the same time.
so which one?

deeper or back to surface?
no one knows.especially with everything surround me now..
*phewww...*

first weekend of sem 4th

7th jan 2011


its friday..after class we( k.kac,k.shida,k.erah,tiero n me) went to ikea.


so its meatball time..my favourito ever..:) thx 2 k.kac for the treat..


then went to ikano.


from ikano we head to sunway pyramid..


ouch..the memories there.my first time ice skating with him.it make me really sad.coz it hurt me.i'll never forget that day.a very wonderful day..the day which u totally took great care bout me..totally..no one will ever did that for me..huhu..


wish we can be back to 'us' again...*sigh*


in the middle of them,i still keep thinking bout him..n it hurt me.too much.coz its my fault until things become like this..


i really regret bout that night..can't forgive myself...:(


*sigh*





8th jan 2011


today we(tiero,k.erah n me) went to mid valley..


once again.it hurt me coz i have lots of memories there with him.haishh..what to do.almost everywhere i went,i have memories with him..


now almost each of them keep haunting me coz i'm full of regret now..:((

can u forgive me n give me another chance?

i know its too much.but i really hope u can give me another chance..n we start all over again..

i promise that i'll change for u..will i get that chance again dear?

another end

22.21pm..4/1/11
the night getting darker n darker for me..
i admit.its my fault.everything.
i know that.n i'm truly sorry..
n i know sorry is never enough to bring 'us' back.
no more us..its juz me..n u is u now..*sigh*
i'm so stupid..

i already got the 2nd chance before this after that incident.
but then it turn out that i ruined the 2nd chance..
n i know there's no such thing as 3rd chances.ever..that 1 thing for sure..

lesson here...
chance only came once.u r lucky enough to get 2nd chance..n still if u stupidly ruined the 2nd chance by doing the same mistakes,dun blame others.keep blaming urself.forever...*sigh*

reminder for myself again..that is why happiness will never be yours..
y i always n easily hurt the person that i love with stupid act??sorry..i guess ur right.i dun deserve a good guy like u.coz after all i'm juz a bad girl....
bad girl gone worst maybe after this~~

p/s:- skrg musim org laen tgh happy2 ngan their lover.getting married,engaged or in a relationship..but for me,its the other way around..:( *january song*

dugaan terbesar

knpe la byk sgt dugaan minggu ni.

n then bnde yg plg di takuti t'jadi jgk..

sdh sgt2.smpi xterkate..

mmg sume bnde jd slh sye bile sye ni

1.sbb mmg byk pk bkn2

2. sbb ske tuduh2

3. sbb post merepek2 di blog ni.

so..bnde dh jd..ssh sgt nk trma kenyataan bila kte hlg org yg plg kte syg..

especially bile kte yg slh tp xtau cmne nk explain..

sumpah rse nk hantuk kepala kt dinding kasi pch.xpyh pk pape..boleh?

4th sem

sesungguhnya....

saya sangat2 penat dan tension...

sangat2....

i need everything back...:((

i need him back...*sigh*

dh xlarat dgn semua problem ini...

saya mahu happy semula.....:(

need my smile back....T_T

happy new year 2011

late wishes as always..:p

well this year i hope everything gonna be ok as i'm having lots more probs to think at the moments..T_T

ya3..i know.never stop having problems rite?

but thats me..so like or not gonna have to deal with it..*sigh*

so today register college.after lifting all those heavy things.i'm so weary already..

but then as much as my body weary,my heart is having lots more than that..

hmm..like i said before.i'm giving up.but then i feel so silly for juz giving up after everything i done.

but now,looks like ya.its true.i'm no one to u..*sigh*

i was stupidly keep worrying if anything happened to u.

till i ask few people which i should never done that.n it turns out that i'm da silly one..

whatever.totally ruined my mood..

make me become moody especially when people around me keep asking,'hows' he now?','where is he?','how are you two going on lately?'

*sigh*

sorry i know nothing bout him...

quit asking me..coz i really dun know.go straight forward n ask him urself everyone.coz i know nothing right now....totally..

ok.wanna watch few more episodes n get some rest.already got class tomorrow...