Dreams

Last night i dreamed about her.
I was crying asking for forgiveness from her.
But in that dream she already gone.
But i did saw her smiling.

After a while i saw him.praying somewhere.
I'm so speechless.
Then i wake up.
Its 5.30am.

Then i realized, its Friday morning.

Al-fatihah to both of them..

family things?

eh3..lme jgak x membebel kat sini kan?hohoo..
impressed dengan diri sendiri sebab xpost or menaip ape2 yang merepek meraban kat sini di saat stress melampau2 melanda diri..:p
kenapa stress?
ntah la.FYP sangat menyeksa jiwa n raga.
hidup xmenentu.menumpang sana sini.
family pun saya dah susah nak jumpe.bukan susah tapi saya yang menyepi kan diri dari diorang.
so diorang akan assume saya ok.
memang la ok kan tapi still apart of me missing them damn much..
sape xsayang family derrr...
walau susah camne pun,teruk camne pun family tetap family kan..
even saya dah jumpe 1 family yang saya dah sayang n selesa, tapi still sayang saya kat my own family tetap lebih dari tu.
even saya xbalik jumpe sape2 or tengok my latest niece tapi still saya rindu n sayang sangat kat diorang..

i wish things are more simpler than these..
aamiin3..keep praying jannah.things will become better somehow n some other times.maybe just not now..:)

to my bestie, sorry for being like that just now.just don't have enough momentum to laugh like usual with u..:p will meet u some other times.thats our promise..:p

janji tinggal....part 2

wah kau.siap de part 2 lagi..:p
siyes lepas saya merempan kat FB dengan status:

"jutaan 'terima kasih' sebab wat saya gini ye.nasib la de kawan2 yang baek hati n memahami lagi.sabar jela hati~~"

pastu merempan plak dekat blog ni kan tadi.
alih2 xsampai sejam setengah dapat mesej dari diorang.
cakap nanti akan bagi barang tu secepat mungkin.
funny kan manusia2 zaman2 sekarang..tapi xpela.alhamdulillah kalo dah nak setel hal ni kan.syukran ya Allah sebab rezeki saya sentiasa ada lagi.
betol la orang kate rezeki anak YP ni xkan putus.cume cepat atau lambat je..


mintak maaf sebab sangat2 la emo tadi kan..
eh2..ke diorang bace bende ni ye??
mamposss...hahaa..

janji tinggal....??

sebelum cuti seminggu ritu (26th JUNE-3rd JULY 2012)
saya ade la mintak tolong dengan 2 orang ni.
ye memang benda tu bukan sepenuhnya milik saya sebab itu cume pinjaman.
tapi wat masa ni itu hak saya..
*eh3..siyes plak ayat kan..:p*

xdela.saya mintak tolong baek2 sebab saya nak guna.
bukan saya berjoli pun.tapi memang kena guna untuk macam2.
tu pun sem ni saya xde pegi jalan2 sangat.siyes banyak giler kurang nak banding dengan sem2 dulu.
kalo kuar pun mostly sume de kawan2 yang baek hati belanje bayar everything.
dah tu xkan setiap kali kuar kena mintak orang support kot.kang dari support de dapat pelempang.ye dok?
*ok emo lagi di situ*

ntah la.wat mase ni siyesly rase sangat3 la kecik hati dengan diorang.
tengok la tarikh cuti tu dengan kalendar sekarang.dah sebulan lebih kan.
mane janji diorang sebanyak 3 kali nak bagi tu?
habuk pun xde..siyes saya dah wat muke tembok giler2 hidup atas ihsan kawan2.
ye bukan semua wat perangai camtu.de je yang xlupe tanggungjawab setiap bulan kat saya.terima kasih banyak2.
tapi wat yang 2 orang ni,saya betul2 kecewa dengan perangai diorang.janji tinggal janji je...

xpela.ni ujian wat saya lagi tengah2 minggu exam ni.xpela terima jela kan.
tapi..
jangan salahkan saya kalo dah terbit rase benci n xde hati nak cakap baek2 dengan korang nanti.
jangan sampai saya langsung xnak tengok muke.jangan..
sebab tu akan menyebabkan saya jadi kurang ajar nanti.
tapi xpela kan.mungkin tu yang diorang nak sebab saya xcontact diorang macam dulu2.
bukan xnak contact tapi masa xmengizinkan.kalo contact just nak cari gaduh watpe betol x??
so xpela.saya dah mesej 3 kali dari semalam..kalo still mereka memilih nak mendiamkan diri,terpulang la kan..
Allah knows the best after all.so sabarlah hati.
wat jela muka tembok n hati kering dengan sume orang demi hidup tuk beberapa bulan ni je lagi..
walaupun dalam hati menangis xberhenti2 kan...:|

p/s: xbaek bersangka buruk kat orang tapi kalo dah tunggu sebulan lebih tapi still xde hasil,mane xpk bukan2 kan??

responsibility

i just got call from my sister.*sigh*
why eh some men nowadays do not know how to take responsibilities?
its your RESPONSIBILITY as a husband,father and brother ok.
why it is so hard to THINK before you act or make decisions?

i really don't understand you lah.
it give me headache when i heard about it.
i know i'm the youngest but still i got right to say it.
i don't mind if you want to call me 'kurang ajar' or what-so-ever lah.
all i want you to do right now,THINK about your wife,your CHILDS,your coming baby in few more weeks and also OUR SIBLINGS..!!
you're a family for so many years already so please do play your role in it..!

p/s:- when i'm typing in english it so meaning that i'm so angry/depressed/dissappointed.got it guy??

EDITED: i know nobody perfect and everyone made mistakes from time to time but be responsible for your mistakes and make an effort to made it up. don't blame others if they don't want to back home anymore after this not even for eid...*how i wish i could say this right to your face now*

family trip or FYP?

there a lots of differences between

WANT / COULD / CAN'T and WOULDN'T

so a happy family trip to cameron or staying here slowly doing all those workload?

answer:

i CAN'T choose my family right now..

i REALLY WANT to choose them

BUT

i just CAN'T at the moments.

ye.nangisla ko jannah duduk dengan sume masalah/kerja2/test2 yang tak pernah berhabisan ini.

semesntare family tengah seronok planning nak pergi trip itu.

sekian terima kasih.

harap semua memahami~~

family gathering

malam ni de family gathering tuk my siblings yang de kat area KL n Selangor.
tapi kakak yang kat pekan datang semalam.
so ramai la kan.
tapiiiiii...

saya masih di sini.sebab produk still xjadi.
isnin,selasa n khamis test plak.
memang xdapat join..
sedihhhh giler bile my abang call tanye watpe sume..
wuuuwwuuuu..
pastu nak kena explain kenapa xdapat join.
sobs3..
mata dah bergenang.tapi tahan jekk..
tensen la camni.
pas satu2 jadi..memang jiwa tak tenang la gini..:((

i miss every happy moments with them.
cepat lah habis belajar jannah.
letih dah duk sini..:(

p/s: hurmm.no mood at all..

none can replace it

actually this entry supposed to be typed and post yesterday.but since i got paper this evening,so i only do it now.

this is totally a regretful entry.so please don't read if you can't understand what i'm dealing at the moments.

ermm.while i studied this morning (5am),

i realized 1 thing...

well, i might forgot to tell that i lose my memory card.

which contains hundred of pictures.(could be more than that)

that was on few weeks back.

so i just ignore it since i got almost all those picture in my laptop.

even few were not here anymore.

but this morning i realized i lose the only 1 picture i had with someone.

i mean the only picture of me and her.

i know some might say,it just a picture.

but,tell me if that the only picture of you and your late mum,what would you do??

yes.that the only picture we had together.

i still can remember the night i took it with her.

it was few years back when my brother gave her that hp.

i asked her to try the camera together.

so i just snap it once at that time.

she was very hard to take picture with anyone.unless you forced her to do it.

that picture i never post anywhere as she doesn't wear scarf at that time.

i only made it as her contact photo.

but the day she passed away,i remove it because my brother in law called me using her number that day.

i can't stare at the picture so i just removed it.

then i totally forgot about it.

forgot to copy it to my laptop.

forgot to copy it to my new memory card.

so it just gone.

i checked back all my pictures in my laptop.

each folder.row by row.picture by picture.

but there no more that picture.

:'(

i had thousand more pictures but none can ever replace that one picture.

EVER.

well, i supposed today was my  worst day.

after realizing about the picture,i can't study anymore.

plus few minutes before i realized it,i saw few pictures of someone in FB.

he's celebrating his bestfriend's besday.

no.i'm not jealous.not because of that.but it hurt me as i thought he's not in malaysia.

i thought he fly to UK to meet his brother.

infact,he's just here.in SA..!

he promised me to come and meet me.but its already new year bro.but don't even tried to contact me.

not even in FB..i guess you just forgot about me and your promises.

*sigh*

today i really can't control myself.i ditched here and there.

i even dropped my iron till it broke.

my bag scratched as i lean on the wall.

i almost fall while walking in the exam hall.

and yes.i can't even answered my exam paper.

literally.i can't.

i thought my past papers should be the worst.but i'm mistaken.

today is my disaster day.

*sigh*

i'm sorry for typing this entry.

sorry to anyone who read this.

and sorry for not being a strong girl at all..

:'(

p/s: should i cry again?i need someone now..

my 16th anakanda-eisya

last weeks(on 18th nov 2011) i got a MMS.from my brother..
with caption:
eisya mlm ke 4 di wad pedriatrik HKL

OMG....!!
it made me so sad okey..how can i didn't feel anything when i saw this picture?
unfortunately i got my test on the next morning..:( sorry eisya
owh.reason she admitted to hospital was lung infection..

on 22th nov 2011
my brother sent me another mms.

alhamdulillah..praise to Allah for giving her back her health.the next morning my brother text me saying she's has discharge..i smiled that day for her..syukran ya Allah..

then yesterday i went back to sentul.to meet my little niece..
she's getting better just when she cried or cough,u can hear the 'stuck2' sound from inside.(err..like something blocking her throat or lung like that)
she cried a lots compared to before actually.so someone must always be beside her or she'll start to cry.poor eisya..its like she'd feeling insecured if left alone..
 here her pictures this morning..

eating her biscuit

opps....

hehe..i snap it few minutes before i went back to shah alam..

all i can say is: alhamdulillah my niece getting better just hoping it won't getting worse.i can't stand seeing her first picture..she's just a baby-9months old only..huhu

ok.thats all for now..:)

p/s: my brother shocked.again when i suddenly wanna back here today..err..sorry abang.next time i'll went there again.when they're not staying there anymore..huhu..

-to my friend's nephew,plz get well soon too..my pray with u always dear..

Al-fatihah

Al-Fatihah..

Last Wednesday,at 9am my mom passed away.

Yup.it shocked me.a lots.
alhamdulillah.i had the chance to see her face for the last time..
there are few things i'm regretting but things had past.

Allah knows the best..she’ve been suffering too long.

May Allah bless both of you Ayah&Mak there..

My pray always with both of you..

Al-Fatihah...

p/s: thx my beloved friends.for everything...

pening

akhirnye dpt balik umah sndri..
hurm..pening2 cr keje part time..
dh apply 2 tmpt.
tp xtau la dpt ke x.tgu call..*sigh*

duk umah bru sehari dh mcm2 jd.
mmg tensen la tgk.
hari2 cmneyh mmg leyh jd gile
tgh doa cpt2 dpt keje.
so that nnt bz keje n dh dpt gaji bleh la tlg2 beli brg2 kt umah

mcm2 dlm kepale skrg..huhu..
sume2..doakn sye dpt keje cpt2 ye..
hope sgt dpt keje.
kalo smpi end of next week still xdpt,rse cm nk g KL blik.huhu
duk ngan abg.cr keje kt sne plak..
tapii...mesti mak xbagi dah...TT__TT

hope sgt sume bnde ok..
esok pg nk g kuantan.terminate my mr bb..
nnt sye amek celcom yg prepaid je la..n jrg2 on9 lh..
ok.tu je..

eh2..lupe..td chat ngan sorg gurl neyh..erm..gurl yg dlu sye pnh bengang gle kt die tp die xtau la kn.
alhamdulillah la ok.ktorg jd fren..
rse b'slh plak kt die.so smpt mntk maaf sume td.
hati dh lega..hehe..lepas 1 bnde dh..
laen kali jgn ikut emose sgt ye jannah..?*bleh ke?*

bile dapat balik neyh?

asal cuti sem jek mule lh dilemma sne sni.

adoih..i'm almost 21 years old already.

i want everyone to hear out my own decision..!

each time i made my own decision,there's always peoples that wanna changed it..

urfff..i hate that ok??

i said wanna go back to hometown.

do part time job n look out for my mum...

can't u understand?

if i really wanna work for money only,then i'd already choose to work somewhere in KL.

so that the salary will be totally satisfy myself..

haish...guys..plz..

i had it enough ok?since i was little each of u made my choice.

even if i chose something else,u'll always pick something else...

i really wanna scream out loud saying it.

but luckily my mind still can control my action..

i love each of u.

so plz,dun make me hate u.

well,who doesn't love their own family right?

but sometimes,i had it enough.

plz dun force me again n again..

i'm big enough ok?

u can always give opinions.but once i made my decision,stop forcing me to do other things.AGAIN..!

p/s: sorry.sgt tensen.sye nk blik phg la..even sye tau nnt kt sne sgt bosan,tp plz lah.jgn nk stop2 sye dh suh wat itu ini.tensen ok?

alhamdulillah..:)

wah..bru wat post xsmpi 10 min dpt msj dr my sis ckp my sis yg kt hospital tuh dh selamat bersalin..:)

baby boy..

hehe..congrats n syukur alhamdulillah..

trus post kt fb n msj2 akak2 yg laen..ngee..:D

excited terlebeyh.mcm lh baby first kn.

pdhal dh yg ke 17 okeyh..

17..rmi x?hehe

this coming nov lg sorg insyaAllah..

ok.org laen msti ckp: poyo gile nk excited lebeyh2..

ade aku kesah??hahaa

yela.akak dpt baby,rse cm dpt anak bru ko tau.

anak sendiri.sbb ktorg kn cm agk rapat la jgk..

so xtau pe name baby boy neyh lg.so,nk pgl die my 17th anakanda...!!:D

ok lah.pape pn,syukur sgt semua selamat..

tetbe rse nk blik weekend neyh..!!

warghh..matiklah..

xstdy pape lg neyh..errr3.....

ok.mlm neyh start stdy ye jannah...!!

moga semuanya selamat

semlm bce 1 of my sis ckp twin die dh msuk hospital.

nk bersalin.

so agak curious nk tau.hr ni tgu gak diorg msj2 ke ape.

harem xdek..

pastu msj akk lg sorg.

die ckp xlg.still kt wad..

sian die.lme tuh dr mlm td..hurmm..skrg doakn die n baby moga selamat due-duenye..

sbnrnye agk risau sbb skrg baby bru 8 bln.

org ckp kalo 8 bln bhye sket..

tapiii..

hjg last year twin die neyh bersalin time baby 8bulan jgk.

alhamdulillah selamat semua..

so,tgh assume maybe nk same ngan twin die neyh la kot.

hopefully..

yela.diorg neyh mmg selalu camtu.

kalo yg sorg neyh nk skit,lg sorg pn msti skit gak xtntu psl.

cam de telepati tahu due-due neyh.

even sorg kt pekan sorg kt kuantan..

so hrp2 kali neyh pn xjd pape lh ye..

aminn...

p/s: sye xtau la knpe tp lately byk bnde yg sye xske jd.sgt byk.smpi tensen giler tp xtau nk cte kt sape.yela.kalo cite kne cte sume.cmne la nk cte kn kalo dh byk sgt..*sigh*